Just checking in.

[outlander]

just adding another 👂 @Sans911

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sans911 

I haven't been following the conversation here but I'm just going to send you an email in a moment. It sounds as though you're feeling really let down and I'm concerned that you're feeling like life's not worth it.

[Sans911]

@Teej @outlander @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7

Being let down is one of the bigger fears I have had throughout my life. It's happened more times than I care to remember. It lowers what little self worth I have into a dribble. My psychologist let me down a few days ago because she forgot to email me. This left me in a difficult position of which meeting to cancel at the last minute. Hers or someone else's. But ut goes beyond that. She tells me to email her if I'm struggling. Would she have answered over the weekend if I needed her?

Both my volunteer meets today had no shows. I put effort and time into these, and people are so disrespectful that they just don't turn up or send a message saying they can't come. I don't even care if they tell me a lie. I just want them to be courteous.

I know, such little things to get angry 😡 about, but I'm really hurting. So much hurt it's physical, and I want to completely shut down anyway I can. Today there's no stopping me. I couldn't care less about living if life is like this.

You're probably sorry now that you wanted to hear this because it's pathetic and trivial. I don't know why it bothers me so much.

[Zoe7]

It is not pathetic or trivial @Sans911 It is a very real fear that hits the core of who you are. Being let down by people is often so deep seated and set in our histories that when these things happen it hits us harder than most. You have every right to feel the way you do - and yes a little coutesy from those people is not too much to ask. You put your heart and soul into making those connections and making sure others have that same opportunity - and when it is seemingly 'thrown in your face' with no shows and no reasons - well that is disgraceful Hon. Common courtesy for most dictates some communication that you cannot make something - you deserve that.

I also fully understand how you are told one thing by your psych but then the reality seems so different. You want to be able to trust and rely on what she says but she has let you down in this instance and yet again it hits you where you fear the most - being let down. What you are feeling right now is so totally valid but you can also get through this because we all know here what a wonderfully  brave, strong and caring person you - time now to use some of that care on yourself - and we will help support you through this 

[Teej]

Nope @Sans911 , not sorry at all. A little bit proud you did let it out. I would feel the same way. That would have all messed with my head too, and in a big way. My therapist has let me down a few times lately ( told me she’d ring on a certain day and hasn’t and I had to follow it up or let it go) and I’ve struggled with it lots and she has been my therapist for 7 years. I know she forgets sometimes but I still reacted. I think it’s totally ok and human that you feel hurt and let down over all those things, especially coming together. I think I’d be very frustrated and a bit angry at the lack of communication and courtesy as you said. 

[Appleblossom]

@Sans911 Hugs to you, because you really do a lot of emotional work and activism and DESERVE RESPECT.

It is hard whgen our goodwill and energy get sucked into a vacuum and there is no recompense.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I would be angry about all of those things @Sans911, and I am really pleased to hear you say that you are.  They are in no way trivial, and it’s all major disrespect. It’s olay to drop the ball occasionally, but you know when someone is genuine and has done that it error, and out of character ..... but what you are talking about is different here.

Your psychologist is “carrying an office” ..... her role is greater, with greater responsibility than the average Jo / Joe in the street.  She owes you a professional apology for that.

You are showing self-respect by being angry about it ..... the feelings of self-sabotage can be a natura response for most people too ..... just maybe not so extreme ..... like eating a whole tub of ice cream (👋 guilty of that one).

I wish your cats were huggier..... would they cuddle with you in sympathy ?

Sending big “I appreciate you” hugs from me ..... I love that you have put so much into the volunteer role, and hate that you have been so badly let down ...... grrrr ❣️

[Sans911]

My psychologist has apologised for her error & was at least honest about the mistake @Faith-and-Hope. I can accept it wasn't intentional, but but by the time I received the apology I was already feeling rejected and not cared about.

I put a lot of myself into many things I do @Faith-and-Hope. I probably shouldn't as I'm often dissapointed.

I should probably email her tonight with the way I'm feeling, but I can't put my faith in another let down if she fails to respond.

My cats never notice my moods. I've picked two cats who are both extremely aloof.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I put a lot of myself into what I do too and it really hurts to be let down ..... but what I am learning about blood pressure is that once it has climbed in response to stress, it doesn’t come back down quickly or easily, and feelings of rejection are like that too ...... especially when there has been a history of it, and we are emotionally injured in other ways.

I am so glad you opened up here tonight.   You are here so much for others too, and this is one time we can sit with you and share the sucky feelings.

what a shame there ain’t no such thing a sensitivity injections ..... for humans and for cats ......

[Faith-and-Hope]

I understand your hesitation to email your psych too ..... but I am glad she did apologise, and you can see it wasn’t intentional ..... 

Is there something self-nurturing you can do tonight to see if some of that feeling can settle a bit ?

@Sans911