@Former-Member I definitely set boundaries, particularly around any threat or perceived threat to my safety. Boundaries are important and they are also individual. What one person will accept in their relationship will be entirely different to another. The boundaries need to reflect what is acceptable by each individual. I haven’t sat down with my husband and spoken about boundaries, however they are reflected in my own behaviours towards his actions, for example walking away when necessary, leaving the house when necessary, but generally disengaging when things get too much. When my children were younger I used to set the plans, my husband would come along to swimming lessons, cricket, netball etc, despite often being able to see that he didn’t really want to. I was advised by a health professional at the time to set a boundary where I didn’t make the effort to ‘drag’ him along but instead told him this is what we are doing, he is welcome to come along, but if he didn’t want to we would go along with the plans without him. After taking this advice, of course my husband decided he would stay at home, he became isolated from the family which effected his mental health enormously. We know our situation better than anyone, and despite the best interests and supports from others, professional or otherwise, it is important that the boundaries we set are in line with what is best and safest in each individual circumstance.
Have others set boundaries and how have they worked for you?
