Lived Experience Forum

[gyp]

I live in an isolated rural area in Qld. I have PTSD, anxiety and at the moment debilitating depression for 8 weeks now.. I am taking meds. My partner has just told me that I need to leave as I am making him sick. I am in a dilemma as I have no job and little money and have no idea what to do. Our relationship was good in the beginning but has soured as I have identified with the problems with his pot smoking. I don't tell him to stop as I know I am powerless over his habit. I am scared as I don't know who to turn to. I have no family and my friends are few. I don't know how long it is going to take to come out of this episode of depression as this is the forth episode in four years. Pls help!

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @gyp

my goodness, it sounds like everything has come at once and like it would feel very overwhelming. 

despite your friends being few are they caring, would any of them be able to help you problem solve at a time like this? or make a couple of calls for you? it also sounds like you have experienced bouts of depression before, so perhaps have a psychologist or counsellor who you do currently or at least used to see and may be able to return to seeing? then the housing, is it a request to leave immedately or can you take time to find something? you may need to look at housing agencies in the nearest city...

sorry not sure if this is the kind of help you wanted from us, there is always a feeling of we wish we could do more than moral support, listening and empathy 

[gyp]

Hi fancy, yes everything has been brewing for a short time and now overflowing. No I don't have to move immediately but could go this weekend as I have to get someone to drive my car. The journey is 700k and I have been so sick I have not driven for 6 wks. I have been foolish, had many red flags in this relationship and chose to ignore them, as I could fix him and then he will see how wonderful I am and I will be loved.WRong! I have a low self esteem and choose people who will abuse me. I grew up in a family of violent alcoholism and having a hearing impairment I was subject to abuse as I was the reason the family had problems..i never was good enough and I was shamed for many incidents. Mind you I am 57 and now realising that all I have pushed down is now bubbling up and causing me pain. My parents both committed suicide, mother 13 yrs ago and father 6 yrs..he chose to do this whilst I was in the house, it was a terrible mess and the horror and smell is still very fresh to me. Anyhow there's more but no need to go into details. I just a
Want to get well and have some peace in life. Thx fancy pants for replying its nice to know someone cares.

[Appleblossom]

Ohhh @gyp  I feel for your struggle.

I also have smell issue around such things. It can floor me suddenly still, for me it was my brother ...

Your parent's shocking deaths are not easy to shake so I wonder .

Do what you have to do re current situation and moving out.  Let us know how you go.

Sounds like its going to be a big shift. A new horizon ... in an old place maybe?? 

I made a similar mistake with my husband... still a bit shy of relationships.

You can start new threads about your own story or jump into other conversations.

[gyp]

Thx Appleblossom, I am leaving Friday, this will hopefully give me some space to recover for a few months. So its one day at a time.

[Appleblossom]

Do you have a place to go to .. or can you just work it out when you get to your new place?

[utopia]

@gyp. When you get to your new place - go and see a local gp and ask for a mental health plan to be drawn up. Then the gp can refer you to a psychologist under the free Medicare scheme.
It sounds like now is the time you need to talk through and heal from old and new traumas.
Well done for finding a place to stay so quickly. Is it a place where you will be safe?
Please keep in contact and let us know how you get on.
We are here for you. You are not alone in this journey.

[gyp]

Hi Utopia, I have a MH plan in place now. Long story.i thought I would use it here despite having to drive 3 hrs to psychologist then I got worst and could not drive. My partner does not give me any money so even then that was a problem. I did not share right on my first post. I do have son an he is coming to get me. I feel extremely sick today as I now am wondering if I am doing the right thing. I just know that if I stay here in this geo isolation with a toxic person I will die as I have already entertained that but thought of all the pain that I would inflict on others..i know how that feels. I am worried that I am not going to get better..is this a common thought with depression and anxiety? I'm sorry for rambling on but my head is not in a good place today 😢

[gyp]

Utopia, yes it is a safe place. Just hope I don't drive my son and his girlfriend crazy. I think I need lots of trauma healing. I do know that some of my decisions I have made have not been good for my mental health and I have gone hard at it to make things work and lost myself on the way. Oh today is a struggle.

[utopia]

@gyp. I think you are doing the right thing. You can't stay with someone who has no respect for you. You deserve so much more than he is giving you.
Yes, when I get sucked into my 'vortex' of depression, it seems like there is no way out. Logically I know this isn't true - as I've come through it before. But during depression, it's hard to hear your logical voice. All I tend to hear at that time is my negative self talk. And that just makes the depression worse.
So, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. And we can and do get better.
It's an emotional and often painful journey - but it is so worth the effort.
I have more good, content and happy times now than I do depression days.
I'm so glad you have a son to help you.