Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

I did manage to get lunch myself today at a reasonable time @MDT Hope it gives me a little more energy later and I can get stuck into everything here.

Toby is so overdue for a haircut and there is no point vacuuming before I do that so if they are the only 2 things I get done today then so be it. Dogs certainly take up a lot of time but it doesn't feel like a chore to me - he is my baby and I couldn't imagine life without him - same with Cat. Cats are easier though - they pretty much do their own thing and come in for food lol I love Cat cuddles for that reason - she doesn't often come for them but when she does it is precious time with her.

Any plans for this afternoon?

[MDT]

Yeah, pets are great I think.

Nah @Zoe7 just gotta pick up my sister from the train

Going to take it easy. Need to send off one thing to a writer role but I can do that this afternoon when I'm finished watching this debate. Maybe it will help me write out a better cover letter too. Who knows..

OVerally I feel okay. Just sick of all the crap really. Idk if that even makes sense

[Zoe7]

Can you specify what 'the crap' is or is it just a general feeling @MDT ?

[MDT]

I think "crap" is two things @Zoe7

Firstly it's the expectations from others. What I should be doing with my life right now, and what I could be doing right now.

The second part is the depressive and anxious feelings. that I'm a moron etc etc.... all that negative self talk and discursive thought

[Zoe7]

Well you certainly are not a moron @MDT You are a bright, intelligent, driven young man. I believe some of that is also what leads you into feeling the way you do though - you have high expectations of yourself but do not feel you live up to them. Sometimes being so driven is a disadvantage when the reality does not equal the expectations. Your reality is that you have entered into a very difficult market for your preferred type of employment and that also takes time to work your way into. That does not mean that you should not be pursuing your preferred work but it does mean you need a little more patience. You have showed already your ability to get work - and some of it in the general field you are interested in. As for the expectations of others - have you actually asked straight out what they are - because that could be you putting undue pressure on yourself also in what you think others are thinking without actually knowing the reality. I also believe that we place higher expectations on ourselves when we are not well - as if we should be doing more even if the current situation is not conducive to that. The first step there is admitting to ourselves that we have some barriers in our way - for you that seems to be depression and anxiety - both of which are major issues and should be seen as such just as if a major physical illness would be. You would not be so hard on yourself to run a marathon with a broken leg - so don't be so hard on yourself for not achieving everything you expect of yourself with a MI. Despite that you excel in what you do do and that is impressive. Go easy on yourself - push yourself but not beyond your limits - and be patient. There is time for everything to happen for you and I have no doubt that will happen.

[TAB]

Yes, am at work @MDT they invented tasks in the end

[MDT]

This is well put @Zoe7
"Sometimes being so driven is a disadvantage when the reality does not equal the expectations."

I think also too sometimes I remember bad advice from people who've said things or told me to improve things. Not that I ever really did take it on board. I think there is a fog on the windscreen caused by my anxiety and depressiono though. Maybe that's what this really is

[Appleblossom]

Love your fog on the windscreen analogy @MDT and what @Zoe7 

Expectations from others and ourselves seem a constant juggling act.  Family, friends, work, the lot ...

Yeah had a convo re "make work" and meetings with son re ndis.  Today I went to a Mental Health Recovery Workshop across town ... signed up for another 9 weeks and had hire a hubby around for a quote ... he does not seem as expensive as my old hubby ... ha ha ... thats good news for me to laugh ... rather than howl out loud in pain.

Take Care All

[MDT]

Thanks @Appleblossom
Hope it works out for you re maintenance of your place

[Appleblossom]

Thx @MDT 

My general understanding is that well paid professional employment is getting harder to find regardless of quals and that the Middle Class in America is shrinking ... if Australia follow suite it might happen here ... maybe we can think greener and smarter ... and develop new industries.  WHatever ... go easier on your self and family, but I think you are right to sometimes reflect your difficulty re "others' expectations" gently on to those you feel may benefit ...

He quoted $110 for first hour and is coming around tomorrow.  I no longer can do as much physically and it takes major reserves of meeting, scheduling and patience to get my 6 footer plus to do manual work ... just did a batch of dishes but found one pan too much ... phew .... he should not have left it ....