Borderline Personality Disorder

[Neek1977]

Hello again,

I am posting this in the hopes that someone, that either has BPD themselves or maybe someone who is married to or dating a person who has BPD can help me to understand what's going on with my current relationship...

Ok so on the 2nd of April this year I started seeing a man who has BPD...I have never felt so strongly for anyone until he came along and the feelings of love for him are extreme to say the least.

The first 6 weeks or so were perfect and he seemed to feel just as strongly for me as I did for him.

He opened up to me and disclosed some things about his past, and something that he had done to another person which still haunts him years later.

Also he has confided to me, parts of his childhood, which broke my heart to say the least.

So our relationship started off because we seemed to have a strong connection to each other and he sensed he could trust me with his past and had no trouble telling me all about it...

Like I said the first 6 weeks or so were perfect then he turned cold towards me...he stopped communicating with me as much and cracks started to show between us...I have no idea why or what the problem could've been, but it didn't make any sense.

A few days later he warmed up to me again like nothing had happened and for a week or so it was great between us again.

Then we had a disagreement (not even an argument) just a difference of opinion and he started screaming at me and his anger was 10x worse and sudden than any anger Ive ever experienced in my own life. and it seemed like the more calm I was towards him, the angrier he was towards me.

This whole scenario lasted for maybe 60  seconds until I just walked away from him and into another room.

It shook me up because I wasn't expecting it and his eyes turned black during this particular episode and he come across like another person.

I won't go into details of exactly what happened except to say that he misheard what I said, and thought that I had said something completely different to what I did say (if that makes sense) and it continues to be an issue between us even though I've explained what was actually said by me, he still doesn't believe me.

Anyway I am finding it very hard to go along with his sudden switch of personalities...and the switches are instantaneous and have no warning beforehand.

The person I fell in love with is the main personality, the one who loves me and loves spending all their time with me...we have made plans for travel, and we have many of the same interests which we talk about alot.

Then there's this other side to him which is impatient, cranky, snappy and who makes sudden decisions without telling me, who is extremely moody, and most of all... this other personality doesn't seem to want me around at all...and during this occurrence, says some very hurtful things to me and doesn't apologize to me.

This cycle of wanting me then hating me has happened twice now and I'm beginning to think I should just walk away now before anything else negative or hurtful happens.

Yes I love him more than I ever loved any of my exes when i was with them...alot more actually...but I am at a loss as of how to fix what's going terribly bad between us.

The worst thing is with the other personality, I'm beginning to feel the hatred alot more recently than the love I receive from the beautiful and sweet side of his other personality.

I hope some readers who are experienced in BPD personally can help me to understand my partner more and give me advice on how to make our relationship, a successful one.

Cheers

X

[Owlunar2]

Hi @Neek1977 

I understand what you are saying and really care - I do wish you the best with your partner  - however I know from my past life with my son who had BPD how hard it is for everyone involved to deal with this 

I know people with BPD have no control over their emotions and make unpredictable decisions  - life with them is chaotic 

Unfortunately you are not able to fix this yourself  - it's above your pay grade as it was for me with my son  - the outcome was not good 

You can find a lot of information on this website  - also there is a huge amount to learn on the internet 

I guess what you do about this is up to you  - your partner does need help  - if he wants it.

I'm sorry I can't help you myself  - it's really tough  - I know this 

Owlunar 

[PeppyPatti]

Dear @Neek1977 

@Owlunar2 

Everything @Owlunar2 wrote I emphasise -

Iv been in therapy for over 20 years currently seeing my Psychotherapist every week because iv decided to go no contact with my Mother. 

My mother diagnosed borderline and narcissism - 

The absolute best thing you can do is care for yourself. It's like with un examined people with borderline turn this switch on in your brain and it runs bright and sometimes too strong. 

I am very convinced my youngest brother has borderline but as I'm not a professional I cannot write this. 

If my Mum cared and stopped her lying- I could have had a relationship with her. I could have been loved. But I get support from here --- thanks @TAB 

@Glisten @Tilz @outlander @Faith-hope @Shaz51 @Meowmy @utopia @Appleblossom @greenpea 

@Jynx @tyme @MDT @

@creative_writer 

@Adge 

@PizzaMondo 

@lavenderhaze 

In my particular circumstances - my Mother wrapped a blanket inside my head where I was forever thinking about her like she was the all powerful. 

Mental illness is not a disease, it isn't to be shunned and run away from. These situations you learn so much about yourself.

But in my situation, my Mum is nasty and at 83 years has a group of same like women running around her who are making her feel she is right. 

Iv seen my psychotherapist iv seen now for 20 years - yesterday I felt we are getting old together .......

I get carers in where we go for long and luxurious coffees at the cafe and do quilting I want to sew and someone to talk and walk with 

I count my blessings every day however I'm also mindful how hard iv worked to be where I am caring for me first and what that means.... 

I try and study Psychotherapy books 

Daily guided meditations about intentions by Dr James Doty. 

 clothes and overalls. And lately.....a pair of boots .....

My darling partner who is really a little useless in a very loving way but cares for me like you cannot believe. We are both 56 yrs....

My VERY small circle of friends who have recognised and seen my  growth. 

Typical iv written too much. 😐 Sorry ☕🆒😌

[Shaz51]

Hello @Neek1977 

Sitting with you 💕 

And how are you going today ☺️ 

My husband has had lots of diagnosis

@Determined 

@tyme 

[Anxious_Godess]

He may have BPD but it also sounds as though he is demonstrating narcissistic behavior's... if you haven't then you should research into narcissism and its disorder. 

Honestly, you are only a couple months in. I would walk away. This dynamic will become increasingly detrimental to your own mental health and wellbeing, and you need to look after yourself first and foremost. It also causes a trauma bond.. the constant hot and cold dynamic will have a psychological affect on you and creates a false sense of adrenaline/dopamine rush. The longer you stay, the harder it'll be to walk away because the dynamic will cause you to be addicted to the High feeling and "Love rush" that comes after the low. 

These painful stories they tell you in the beginning is usually a hook for you to feel sorry for them and for them to be victimised (yes, they may be true and unfair) but typically that is what a narcissist does... I know because I was in a relationship for 2 years with one. 

This person seems as though they have demons they are battling....(hence the black eyes when it takes over). This is quite forward and confronting but things are deeper than we realise.  This person needs help but it cannot be from you. This will only drag you down and defeat you. 

Leave this person where they are at with love and send them your prayers. 

all the best 

[tyme]

Hey @Neek1977 ,

I'm hearing you.

I have BPD, and what you have just posted pretty much sums up my former life.

I cared so so much and felt so deeply and any small trigger in my life could send me into a rage. This is not just anger. It is intense rage that we cannot even understand.

Yet at the same time, we love so much, we care so much and we are so passionate.

BPD can be tricky on anyone around, yet imagine the inner turmoil of the person. 

For me, my emotional dysregulation caused me to flip the switch at any time. I didn't want to do this. It just happened.

Even though this happens, I want you to know BPD is very treatable. For me, the BPD journey has been worth every moment.

[creative_writer]

@Neek1977 and @PeppyPatti 💖🫂 sending you lots of love

[Neek1977]

Thank you to all who replied...we have seperated recently and I'm devastated about it.

I remain hopeful that we can reconcile in the near future

Cheers x