Lived Experience Forum

[maddison]

Hi @Hope0011 I think that is a huge positive💜 it is really difficult when our mental health holds us back. I won't be seeing any of my family this Christmas. I think it's too mentally traumatizing for me.

I'm sorry if any of my advice came across as being wrong! Its very difficult online. I don't know anything you have been through - or how your daughter's have made you feel.

I'm not a parent.

I know parents do get blamed for everything! That is unfair.

Maybe you need to find a balance. Feeling  assertive & empowered vs. turning the other check?

Nobody has the right to make you feel intimidated, or emotionally abused.

Maybe you could combine gratitude & setting out clear boundaries of your own about how you expect to be treated at Christmas.

Did your daughter's overstep boundaries in past experiences? Perhaps it is ok to let them know what you need from the relationship as well?

[Eve7]

Last night I heard Prince Harry say Christmas at Sandringham was weird! Without going off on a tangent about the royal family it would appear that it is very common for people in all walks of life to struggle with the festive season 

Families everywhere grin at relatives and exchange pleasantries as well as gifts. 

I really don’t think Christmas Day is the time to sort out relationships @Hope0011 and if your daughter mentions that perhaps you could just remind her  you all want to enjoy breakfast but you’d be willing to meet up with her soon so you could both discuss the issues.

I have become very good at faking my disposition at Christmas by staying in the kitchen where I belong and retreating to my bedroom so the rest of the family can clean up. It’s a hard day but we’ll get through it.

[Hope0011]

Thanks @Eve7 , I agree Christmasday isnt the right time to ge trying to sort things out.

I guess I am just confused about her expectations from me. If I seem too happy will she think I am dismissing her pain, if I am too sad it will bring everyone down.

Too true about families and their issues transcending all barriers.

[Hope0011]

All good @maddison, no offence taken. It can be tricky when we write, to convey the right nuance.

Did she overstep boundaries in the past. That is a HUGE yes. My fault I guess for letter her get away with this but her dad was really mean to her and so I was the soft one.

People have said to me they woukd never let their kids treat them like that.

Now I have a second chance at living, i cant go back to being treated like that. Changing the goal posts has not hone fown well with any of my kids who were used to me bending over backwards. On paper it looked like we were close, but I realise it was all conditional on me saying yes.

Perhaps, if i wasn't moving interstate to start afresh i may not have even organised anything on Christmas Day. I know if I didn't have the bright light of a new start ahead I woukd still be treading water which is only sustainable for so long.

This particular daughter sees me as abandoning her. I get that. But I am also choosing to live. Hopefully one day she will stop lashing out and see that too.

[maddison]

Ooh, this makes more sense to me now @Hope0011 You have tremendous insight & it sounds like you have a good grasp on the situation - yet still feeling trepidation, I get that.

I really liked @Eve7 response & I agree, the timing to discuss is probably not optimal.

Thankyou, for understanding my mixed response & not taking any offence.

I have recently gone through a similar scenario where I have had to be firm with boundaries & experienced massive backlash. So I think I can relate to what you are describing there.

This again, might sound overly simplistic. 

You mentioned how you wanted to present yourself. i.e happy/sad & the implications of each.

The simplest advice I can think of,  is to be you. And to have compassion.

As a daughter, that is all I could ask for.

[hanami]

Hi everyone, 

With less than a week until Christmas I thought I'd revisit this post and try to spread my own joy haha.

If anyone wants to play along feel free to jump in. With many of us struggling at this time of the year I'm thinking it would be nice to share just one positive thing about the end of year/festive season.  

For me, it's the idea of a fresh start. I don't make NY's resolutions as I never stick to them but I just like the idea of saying goodbye to one year and seeing in the next. I LOVE cracking open my new diary with its fresh crispy pages. 

Warm hugs to all to help you survive Christmas

Hanami

PS, I'll be off work for two weeks over Christmas so will be back on the 9th.

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[Sirine]

Have a great holiday xx

[FloatingFeather]

Great idea @hanami! I love a game, particularly one geared towards positivity. I would say one thing positive I am proud of is that I stuck out something that I didn't know that I would be able to.  It wasn't always easy but I'm glad I kept putting one foot in front of the other. 

Love to hear what others have to say 🙂

[SmilingGecko]

I hope you have a good xmas @hanami the good thing about this year was benefitting from the use of new healing technology for myself which totally revolutionised my life

[hanami]

Wow @SmilingGecko, now that's a positive! So happy for you. Wishing you a nice Christmas too 😊