Lived Experience Forum

[J1979]

I'm tired of being the bad person. The one who always is told I do wrong. I'm tired of sleeping on this lounge in the house I pay for. Not even a happy birthday from my partner today. It was just stay home and I'm going to work. Stay with your daughter. Don't watch tv. I'm sick of it. Feels like my head will explode

[CheerBear]

Hi @J1979 That's a hard place to be in 🙁 Feeling like the bad person and being told you're the one who is doing wrong all of time would be hard to live with. I'm thinking it could be your partner who is saying these things to you (though I could be wrong) which sounds like a pretty difficult situation to be in. When I was in an unhealthy relationship (with kids involved too) I often felt alone and stuck, and like my head would explode also

Is there anything that you enjoy doing for yourself? Having things that bring you some kind of 'good' feelings can be really helpful.

Happy birthday for Saturday. Sorry you didn't get that from your partner.

[GreysFan94]

Firstly, Happy Birthday. Im sorry you are going through this. Part of me understands exactly what you mean and just wants to make this better for you and part of me wants you to know that you can fight, as much as it is exhausting, you got this. I know someone writing something doesn't change anything but I do hope you feel less alone in this world tonight. X

[J1979]

Thanks @GreysFan94  @CheerBear  It means a lot. Even just words has lifted me up. It's exhausting living with someone that doesn't want to accept or understand. My 3 year old daughter understands more and honestly she's my rubber band that keeps me bouncing back. It's almost 12 months since I made a big mistake I can't and won't go back there. I'm at a point I don't want to come home. Thank you for your support 

[J1979]

I’m so locked in I can’t do the things I love and relax with and if I do have tome I’m exhausted and flat

[OOTF75]

Hey there

I know that feeling so well. Despite not knowing at the time of my MI, both my now ex partner and mother were all of support if it involved medicating. Unfortunately my diagnosed CPTSD that involved the both of them is 'too much' and they each need their 'own emotional space'. 

At times I do feel the hurt and anger. But I never direct. I'm slowly learning to ficus on mindfulness and to feel what I need to feel in my recovery then move on in a positive way.

Those times that my Inner Critic steers towards thoughts of them or events, I firmly say "NO! I'm the one who is responsible how I feel. Not them." 

Hold yourself accountable in a way that is meant. Then move on.