I can’t cope

[Captain24]

No.. I literally can’t scream. I’ve tried. I can’t yell a lot either @Jynx I can feel at the dogs to get inside but that’s it. I can’t yell for longer than that. I could even scream when the snake was a couple of centimetres from my foot! 

I don’t know how to get to out. It’s like a really dark sense in my body. It feels like it’s an electric charge that’s going to come through my skin. 

Maybe I need to find what I can do to release it. I know I have anger issues but I usually don’t let it control me. I can push it down. Not today though! 

I need to work on this I guess. I need to find something like your running. I’m not a runner though. I feel like I’m pushing back on what you are suggesting and I’m really sorry. Maybe I’m not helping myself either. 

[Jynx]

I mean it does make sense if it's something you've literally had to repress since childhood @Captain24 - physiological symptoms of trauma are ever so fun to navigate hey 😑😅

I think the 'pushing it down' mayyyy be part of the issue? It is like I said, what we resist persists, that's why we often talk about how unhealthy it is to 'bottle things up'.

Anyway, it's all part of the process hey, so if it is helpful you could bring it all to therapy - or you can pop it on the back burner to come back to later if you're working on other stuff atm. And it doesn't feel to me like you're pushing back - you do seem open to the idea, just unsure how to make it work for you. That's different to just saying 'nah that's too hard' and not even contemplating trying. It might just be a little too much to think about right now and that's okay!! 

Ach whaaaat the time gnomes have robbed me again!! I shall say goodnight hun, some hugs for you! 

 (つˆ⌣ˆ)つ

Catch you next week lovely one 💜

[Captain24]

It’s something that I guess I need to work on it. @Jynx. Thanks for not thinking I’m pushing back. I need to work something out though. 

I feel like I’m going to explode. 

I’ll have a shower and go to bed. 

Have a good night and great break and I’ll be around next weekend. I do miss you though!! 

[Captain24]

So it’s now 10:30. 

I’ve been to the chiropractor. I’ve been grocery shopping and packed it away. Packed the dishwasher and started. I’ve done a load of washing and hung it up. Ive cleaned the kitchen and ensuite. I’ve swept and vacuumed the floors. I’ve done some ironing. I’ve packed dinner for tonight and I’ve just cooked sausages and veggies for lunch. 

Now to wait for the dishwasher to finish so I can unpack it. 

I think I’ve done a lot since getting up at 7:30.

I have to eat. Have a shower and drop the dogs off so I can sleep for nightshift. 

[tyme]

I know you have nightshifts @Captain24 .

Just know I'm thinking of you.

Guess what!? I watched Annie with the kids. It was so good - the musical. The kids loved it. Had front row tickets so they could see the musicians.

They love musicals and haven't stopped singing, "The sun'll come out, tomorrow..."

Hugs. Speak soon!

[Captain24]

I don’t know if you’ll see this

Thank you for thinking of me. It means so much to come out of work and see that you still thought of me. It means a lot!!! 

Im glad the musical was good and that the kids had a great time. I would have loved to have seen it. I love musicals but it’s so hard being so far away from Sydney. 

Now to go to bed to do it all again tonight..

Thank you so much 

[tyme]

Hope you are okay @Captain24 ! Missing you.

Yes, the kids are STILL singining, "The sun will come out, tomorrow"... even the little one. She's so cute to watch because she's got all the words jumbled up. 

Have Jett and Pix been okay? I know there've been a few scares about their health.

Also, how are you recovery from the roo incident?

Thinking of you! Please take care.

[Captain24]

I’ve been in bed for an hour and I’m still not asleep. I need to somehow get to sleep as it will trigger me later on today. I can’t be awake all day, being awake for over 24 hours just sets me off. I can’t have a sleep this afternoon as I have to do pick my dad up and take him to pick up his car that’s being serviced. They are going to have a Quick Look at mine and see if there is any damage underneath. If it’s low cost I’ll just pay, if it’s expensive I’ll go through insurance. 

So much weighing on my mind. I feel really overwhelmed right now. I need sleep. This shift work is starting to take its toll on me 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Captain24 isn't it awful when you need to sleep but can't, and then the pressure to fall asleep grows, which then makes it even harder to do? I know that's been happening to me a bit while I've been doing some earlier shifts... Is there anything that might help you to get in a more relaxed state of mind? Like having a herbal tea, doing some light stretches, having a warm shower... I know they say sometimes that it's good to get up if you're having trouble sleeping and then returning to bed

Do any of these sound like they could be helpful?

[rav3n]

hey @Captain24 sorry to hear that falling a sleep has been a struggle. i know how frustrating that can be, especially when you've got plans for the afternoon. 

i have heard that even closing your eyes and 'trying' to sleep can help the body rest. have you tried the clenching and unclenching muscles technique before?