Just checking in.

[Teej]

It's good to know when to stop with sucky and dark, twisty Covid stuff @CheerBear . Look at you with all that self care stuff going on 😜😘. 

S4 g probably has only stayed here one night for the whole year. We get along well but her home is quite different from this one with much more space and less clutter, and she is in the final rundown to finishing her degree. She has her last placement now so life is busy for her. 

i hope I ok to wait until Monday for psych. It feels doable still. I wrote her a letter yesterday which she read and then talked by phone about. I was really glad that we got to talk about it not face to face. I cried lots on the phone. She didn't see this coming which was part of the difficulty for me. I think in a way it had been building for a while. In my head I was screaming wanting her to know I was not ok and that I wasn't doing as well as she thought I was. It was during/after that appointment that I broke again. I got through but only using unhelpful coping strategies. It was fueled by messy hormones and fighting urges whilst being home alone was trickier. I think there's a small bit of hope that we can find a way forward again. I was feeling lots of big scary abandonment feelings because I thought if I wasn't doing better or said the wrong thing she'd leave me. I can't go back to that place again. 

Much of my dark twisty stuff is really about feeling completely defeated. I'm not achieving anything I set out to do. I've curled up in a ball and given up. I'm not sure what it will take to uncurl and really try again. I guess Monday is the Hope day for that. 

how many days a week are you working? It sounds really busy and challenging. Are you doing ok with it? 

[CheerBear]

My heart feels with you @Teej. Curling up in a ball times can be dark and painful. It's brave to reach out and be honest. I really hope you can find a way forward together again too. Lean on the forum between now and Monday if you need. You're loved ♥️

I do a few ish a week, with extra bits adding up. I'm doing OK in way but I don't do well with knowing I'm not perfect. That old friend is creeping back in big time. There's a need for things to be right and lots of ways it can wrong. It can also be super challenging having spent so much time on the other side. All those times I have thrown big stuff out on helplines - karma now 😉 But really it's so cool to bring that experience and be able to use it for good. I think of here lots while I'm doing what I do. Of what helps and what does not. It's cool and a bit twisty turny 😜

[Teej]

Its interesting to read about your perfectionistic traits and the difficulties that brings @CheerBear . I get the feeling that so much of my stuff is about that. Lately I've heard lots 'it doesn't have to be perfect' from family and friends and even yesterday from my psych when I said I had a letter for her. 

had a bit of a giggle at the karma now comment @CheerBear . I don't know how I'd go with it either. All the times I've done the same with helplines and knowing how they can be a bit make or break. I think you are doing amazing job holding it all together but also having the insight to see things from many angles. 

I getting pretty tired again. Not much sleep last night. Thank you so much for the chat, I really appreciated it and am grateful 🙏💐 It helped to break though one of my stupid barriers. Chat again soon hopefully. 💜🤗

[Former-Member]

Hi all,

So I've been away for a while and I was doing ok but then went in a downward spiral that started with my partner's promotion. So he gets paid like $100 more per fortnight and now according to centrelink we don't need a healthcare card. So now I can't even afford my preventer for my asthma let alone my head meds because we have to pay full price. So that hasn't helped then all this carona stuff has made dam near impossible to get any therapist. So I have given up after the 4th cancelled on a freaking phone appointment. One of my abusers is out of prison and being set up 2hrs away from me because he was in for parole violations and not what he did to me as I don't have enough proof to take to court. Then I found out that my mum is talking to another of my abusers.

I am mentally exhausted and crashing.

On a brighter note my Mr 8 got 4th in his tennis tournament yesterday 

[Maggie]

@CheerBear  I’ve been thinking about a lot today. I just wanted to let you know I care. I understand life gets busy. And inside my head I have thought after thought, that looks like it’s going to stay there.

It’s lots of squishy, mushy stuff, but simply put, Take good care of yourself, you are one in a million, don’t ever forget that. Sending 💜💜💜💜 hoping you feel them.

[CheerBear]

Hi @Maggie ❤️ and hi anyone who might be reading this. It's been too long Maggie, I'm sorry.

Yes life stayed a bit busy here.

How are you? Are you up for a cup?

☕🌺

[Emelia8]

How lovely to see you @CheerBear 😄🌷  I got very excited when your name came up on the craft thread when you supported my latest effort.

@Maggie has been very quiet the past month or more ... worried about her. @Maggie 🐶💞  I hope you are around this morning coz I know how much you miss @CheerBear .

So your life has stayed busy CB. Are you back home now, or still based at your parents? How are the kids? How is your Dad doing? And you of course! How are you?

Cuppa .. Yes please. Im recovering from surgery this week Gen anaesthetic knocked me around, and I need to keep up the fluids.

Sending love your way.

Emelia 😄🌺

[CheerBear]

It's super lovely to see you too @Emelia8 ♥ I am looking forward to seeing @Maggie around as I have missed her a lot also!

Thanks for asking how things are. We're all home since restrictions have eased. I'm about to pick up more hours of work which is exciting for a few reasons. Mostly that I am at a place where I think I can manage now (I'm backing myself there anyway) and that it also means I will no longer need the DSP. That part is also super exciting but also scary too. It's a huge step in my little plans 🙂

My unwell person has taken a significant turn. It's really a bit sad. I'm chemo companion again. It's precious time.

Kids are all going well thanks. They've been singing carols for weeks already - it's starting to be that bonkers time of the year!

How are things in your world? I am sorry to hear that you are recovering from surgery. I hope you had some support around you for that, though I expect perhaps not as much as you could have used or deserved ❤

I'm working a long day today and have to get the wee crew off to school early-ish so I had better head out. I will be back though

xxx

[Emelia8]

Thanks for your update @CheerBear . It must be such a relief to all Victorians now that restrictions are/have lifted. I thought of you each time I heard of easing restrictions.

A massive congratulations to you on your increased work hours. To no longer be reliant on DSP is major progress. I am super impressed and proud of how much you have achieved.

Oh dear, I am devastated for you that your unwell person's condition has taken a turn for the worse. Chemo buddy is an important role to fill, but also a very draining one. I know from all the seemingly endless hours spent in cancer treatment clinics with my hubby. Actually he got a good report from his oncologist this week .. remains in remission. 

Yes I had surgery on Tuesday. I was diagnosed with breast cancer about 5 weeks ago. Given my Mum died of breast cancer only last year, things are not exactly ideal. My surgery went well. Dreadfully sore, which is to be expected. And still suffering the effects from general anaesthetic. But just a bit better each day. Mostly though,  am dreading the radiation treatment needed in coming months. I will need to travel for that, and its 5x a week for up to 7 weeks. 😔

Well .. enjoy the precious time you still have with unwell person. Ahh christmas carols .. I do love them. But also a reminder that Christmas is fast approaching. Yep .. definitely bonkers time of year.

Take care @CheerBear and at the risk of repeating myself ... So good to see you. 😄

@Maggie 🌷

Emelia 🌸

[Maggie]

Ohhhhh @CheerBear  I don’t come online early anymore, there are very few, or non around. Soooooooooooooo good to see you. 💜💜💙💙💕💕💕

More work, more challenges, more chemo. Life always has the good and not good mix.

Crew singing carols sounds lovely. Bonkers time for sure.

I’m a bit stuck in a dark pit. Definitely dark night of the soul stuff. But I’ve found a few books that are challenging and comforting. So pleased there are people out there who can write this kind of stuff. Grateful I can read too.

Leaving a late coffee for the busy long day ahead. ☕️☕️☕️Always good to see you drop in, but never any pressure. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

@Emelia8  Sending some 💕💕💕💕💕