Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@Sans911we are so critical of ourselves at times like this. As I said before, you gave it a go, thats all you can ask of yourself. OK it didn't turn out the way you wanted it too, but unless you tried you would never know. Please keep trying and use here to get the support you need because you do matter and you are so so so worth it 

[outlander]

Well said @Former-Member 👍:ok_hand:

[Sans911]

@Former-Member thank you. I need to hear that on repeat sometimes lol. The lady who arranged the retreat send me a very apologetic text. She knows I have depression, and lately it's been difficult. She said she'll refund me, but I even feel bad about that too.

[Former-Member]

@Sans911take the refund hun and put it towards something for your own self care. Buy yourself something special or go get something done (hair, nails, massage, facial, etc). You deserve it for giving it a go 

[Sans911]

@Former-Member that's what the lady said to me. Still doesn't make me feel better. I've been planning this a long time, and cancelled once before because I was in hospital

[Former-Member]

@Sans911I know it won't make you feel better, but it's about looking after youself. You have taken some huge steps forward lately and we all have setbacks at times. Just try and be gentle with yourself and not too hard on yourself.

[Sans911]

@Former-Member lol, can I copy your last post and I'll send it back to you for the same reasons?

[Former-Member]

haha @Sans911 we are so good at giving advice but struggle to apply it to our own situations. I think I might need to write it down and add it to my sensory box!!

[Sans911]

Getting unstuck and staying safe cotinue to be real issues for me, and the vortex of depression continues to suck me under, and threatens my existence. Today I feel lost again in this empty sea, alone, no lifejacket. I feel like no one in my rl cares, although I know that's definitely not true. But I feel no worth in this current life, little purpose. I have little energy to keep me motivated and strong. I just want to hide away this pain, because whenever I try to make myself understand, it all comes out wrong, it all seems so easy for others to give me the answers and solutions which seem so useless to me.It would be so easier sometimes not to be around, to have to deal with this day and day out. Pretending everything is fine when I am breaking inside.I so want to not write these things; I want to give others hope and inspiration but how can I pretend when I feel nothing inside? I can't be good for others if I can't be good to and for myself.

@Former-Member@outlander@Owlunar@Faith-and-Hope

[Former-Member]

@Sans911you have every right to write these words and get your thoughts out. You do not have to pretend on here hun, give yourself a break and just as you help others on here, allow us to help you just as much, if not more. You give alot of people hope and inspiration just by the words you write to other people, myself included.  And I will keep saying it to you, YOU DO MATTER AND YOU ARE WORTH IT

Great big hugs to you, my arms are wrapped around you and I won't let go 💕💕💕