Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

[Smc]

@Determined, we had a friend whose daughter would have met the special school requirements, but she chose to send her to a supportive primary school for the first few years. As everyone got older, and the mental-age gap increased, it got to the point where she decided a special school would be more beneficial, and I believe it did work out well. Her daughter made some good friends there. So it doesn't have to be one-or-the-other for all time.

I assume you'd know what I mean about the mental-age gap? If a child is 20 percentile points behind their age cohort, that means when they're 5 years old, they're one year behind the others, which is usually no biggie. But by the time they get to 10 years old, they're two years behind, which is more of an issue.

[Determined]

Understand the age gap fully @Smc 

We are seeing this with our S1 with an ever increasing gap. 

[Determined]

Some positive news today.

Met with the school S3 will be attending next year and guidance officer was able to explain in a far more positive light the cognitive assessment that has been creating some anxiety. 

New plan is for a supported enrolment in a main stream class but closely monitored to ensure he does not sink. And they take seriously our previous trauma with S1 in this regard. 

While darling is quite anxious about enrolment in a main stream class teaching staff we met with today were very understanding and reassuring. 

I am feeling much happier with this approach. 

[Determined]

Feeling pretty ordinary tonight, made it to dinner time and realised that all I have had to eat or drink all day is 2 cups of coffee. Silly Boy.

We had another meeting with school and S3 teacher for next year today at an enrolment interview (Different staff to last meeting). While we still have concerns with how he is going to cope we are both feeling reassured that the school will monitor things and provide support where necessary. At face value they seem to genuinely care about our concerns. 

[Former-Member]

Can you set phone reminders/ alarms to remind yourself to stop for some sustenance @Determined 

[Determined]

May have to @Former-Member 

Have been working from home since start of covid so having morning tea and lunch with darling but had to go back ro on-site yesterday as home net connection is on the blink and too unreliable. 

Combination of that and back to back calls keeping me busy. 

K8nd of how I was pre burnout. 1 meal a day after 7pm due being engrossed in work. Don't need to go back ro that. 

[Determined]

Work is winding up over the next couple of weeks for usual Christmas break so won't be so much of a problem then. Well won't be able to use work as an excuse anyway lol. 

[Determined]

Feeling deflated tonight.

Age appropriate discussion with S1 about life and expectations of an adult (prompted by an email from teacher about school behaviour) resulted in a response of   'Too hard. May as well just end it'

There is an element of trying to upset me as he knows how sensitive to such things. But I believe there is an underlying anxiety about life post school 😣

Gently clarified what he meant and the response was clear. 

[Determined]

This is on the back of darling disclosing that she is not coping and randomly asking how we all survived when she was away. Was too scared to enquire what prompted that question. Just told her we survived. Unsure if she is contemplating another hospital stay... or worse... or just generally interested.  Also don't know if I should follow this up with an enquiry about wellbeing and if there is any need for concern, or anything I need to be doing differently to help. 

Prompted some difficult memories and regrets how I feel I could have been there more for our older boys rather than them spending so much time with grand parents while I was travelling to visit darling. 

[Former-Member]

@Determined 

Perhaps check in with your counselor.

I do recall somewhere along the line that saying everything is good or praising progress with BPD can be counter productive.