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Something’s not right

Lilyq
Senior Contributor

So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

So I was telling my friend about how hard it is living with my husband cos he is a supper tight wad. He tries to save money on everything. Anyway all she said in response was "no offence but it must be hard living with someone with schizoeffective disorder"

 

I was so offended, to put me down because I have a diagnosis I can't believe she said that too me. She has a diagnosis of ADHD and is a bit bossy, strident and quirky but I would never put her down because of it. 

 

Well I decided to end the friendship but it still hurts that my friend who I have known for 20 plus years put me down like that.

10 REPLIES 10

Re: So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

relax..20 years is a long time, breath and then breath again..I dont have any frends...

Re: So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

@Lilyq  Hi Lilq it is great to see you, it has been awhile. It was a thoughtless comment and obviously hurt alot. I have schizoaffective disorder too and would not appreciate anyone saying that to me either. Have you spoken to her about it? telling her how much it hurt you? funny thing is my ex is exactly the opposite and spent money left right and centre (one of the reasons why we broke up becuase he never stopped spending money that he didn't have .....).

 

It sounds to me that there have been other things happening in the friendship to make you feel that you need to end it.  I am a very sensitive person and have dropped people out of my life when I have been hurt and survived. I don't believe in hanging onto friendships for the sake of it. Toxic friendships are best ended. greenpea xxxx

Re: So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

Yes I told my friend that I am more than a diagnosis. The thing is I finally felt comfortable enough to open up to someone and I felt like she didn't care. I think I put her offside when I told her my husbands income. Stupid, I know but I only did it to point out how tight he is.

 

My friend has a baby about 8 months old and I think she wants to stay home with the baby but can't afford it and has to work. I have always stayed home with my kids so maybe she is jealous? Anyway regardless I think I have finally seen her true colours and I feel like I can't trust her again.

Re: So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

hi 

for me personally

 

people dont understand unless they have walked your shoes and know what you are going through. sure sure i know what you are going to say your mate has adhd she should know better.the best advice i can give you.if you have the power is sit your mate down and ask her why .use i feel statements.they are very powerfull.if that isnt something your not ready to do then dont .how much of a mate is she to you? is she worth having in your life ?no human deserves that type of treatment .you are strong .i learned a lesson in life .for what my parents did to me back in my teens i wanted to do some nastie things to them and now i understand its just other peoples shit its their way of feeling bettter about them selfs.no it isnt fair  no its not right.in rehabilitation they talk about toxic relathionships/ freindships we all know what we have to do with them its not helpfull to anyone.

Re: So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

hi @Lilyq can you afford to bin a 20 year old friendship? I would let the dust settle & think it over.

 

It is hard to resolve conflict when a friend insults you, it requires being assertive and trying to see things from their point of view. That is hard when you're stinging from the insult.

 

Friends are hard to come by, especially old ones of 20 years. Social isolation does not help MI so if ending the friendship will leave you isolated that could be a concern.

Re: So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

hello @Lilyq , @BryanaCamp , @vic100 , @greenpea , @Matt12 

@Lilyq, is there other issues here with your friend or is it just the one off

as why I am asking is everytime I am talking to a friend on the phone or in person ( she start yawning in front of me ) everytime

so I have not seen her for a while and saw her yesterday and guess what " she started yawning again while we were talking

Re: So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

@Shaz51  have you asked her if you are boring her? I would .... well maybe I wouldn't .... but I would sure think so :o.

Re: So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

yes @greenpea , mr shaz thinks I should say something to her or just don`t be her friend

apart from that she is very nice and caring and I used to look after her 3 boys years ago but I think we might be just going down different paths now xx

Re: So called friend using my diagnosis against me ..

@Lilyq  That sure doesn't sound like a great thing to say to someone in your position. Recently I contested an old diagnosis and was told instead that I had psychosis. Now I have to try and convince people I'm not psychotic but its harder because people can always say "don't listen to him, everything he says is psychotic". Now I maintain that I'm not psychotic but regardless my partner uses the label against me. One week she will keep saying "I don't believe you, you're psychotic" and then the next week she will say "You're not psychotic, you're defrauding centrelink, go get a job". I know its different, but I think I understand how hurtful it is when someone uses a label to discriminate against you or make insulting remarks.

 

Take care.

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