Lived Experience Forum

[Razzle]

I've been following an exercise and diet program since the end of January.  The exercise (and the resulting 10kg weight

loss) has been extremely beneficial to my mental health.  As a live in carer to my mum who has dementia the structure of exercise and eating well has meant that I seem to cope with things a lot better.  Overall I feel a lot calmer within myself.

My problem now is that out of the blue I have done something to the Trapezius muscle on my right side.  It didn't happen during a workout, in fact I was just sitting on a recliner Monday afternoon and it started to hurt, and has got worse over the next few days.

I've been taking anti inflammatory's but

I know more than anything it needs a good hard massage - and there lies the

problem.  I can't stand anyone touching me, my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest just writing this.  

It seems so simple, but I just cant bring

myself to do it.  I have to psyche myself up for days just to get to a hairdresser, but no amount of telling myself it will be ok will convince me to seek out a massage.  The thought of anyone touching my bare skin just

makes me want to cry.

[Appleblossom]

Good to hear that a few things are going well. @Razzle 

Would a hot pack or freezer pack help?  Both have their uses.  A little self massage, or using your knuckle to loosen up musicle?  I could not bear to be touched for a long time either.  Go gently with exercises.

Apple

[Razzle]

Hi @Appleblossom 

I have tried heat creams along with the anti inflammatory's.  I also have a special tool that is shaped like a big hook that gets right into the sore spots.  The most painful spot is where

the muscle runs up the side of my head.  It feels like my head is too heavy for my neck.  I think I have got

to the point where everything has been tenses so much, I've left it too long.  

I just cant get to that place in my mind where I can see it will be ok.  I feel sick at the thought of being touched.

[Appleblossom]

@Razzle 

You know your body best. I just did not want you to be left hanging.

I do believe the Body does keep score, or that Life is Written on the Body.  I had one silly pdoc chide us for keeping count, but he was not really honest about the level of stressors on us, in our particular marriage.

I spent a lot of time in gyms. It takes a lot of knowledge to give good advice.  I stayed away from being touched cos chiros did too many adjustments and I had to isolate exactly what was going on in my body.  So being professional is not always enough.  The person has to have a real affinity for people and the problem.

These are the times, when we need to listen and be kind to our bodies, rather than stiff upper lip ... and jolly good show ... the neck is pretty small to be be a conduit for all the things that pass from body to mind.

Gently Bently

Apple

[Razzle]

@Appleblossom 

I agree.  I've spent many years in the gym, now I have my own set up because I can't get to a gym with mum the way she is.  I've learnt to listen to my body.  I've researched so much about how the body works - when I started training years ago I just wanted more and more out of my body - I'm sure it's a control thing, so I kept learning what I can put my body through safely and the best ways to recover.  

I wish I could find some answers for how my brain works, that's something I have never been able to work out.

This injury? strain? Not sure what it is is so out of the blue.  The answer is there, it's right in front of me, but there

is an invisible barrier that I just can't get past.  I'm an adult that can protect myself now but I'm just that little girl all over again when it comes to being touched.  It's so frustrating 

[Lilaca]

Hi@Razzle,

Your weight loss in 5 months is just impressive!  I wish I have the same determination and perseverance to achieve my goal list. 

I mean how many people can lose so much weight in such short time? I have issues gaining track with my running since my medical condition too! But hey, you did it! 

If you can achieve this weight loss, I am sure you are able to overcome the issue with people touching your skin or going to a hairdresser as well. Not sure if your issues might be in finding someone trustworthy, be it the physiotherapist or hairdresser.. 

But @Appleblossom is right, you need to find a good one who truly understands your body, otherwise it's up to you to heal your own which the body always does in time.

[Appleblossom]

@Razzle 

Tbh The first person I let touch me after 10 years after I left my marriage was a Catholic nun who wanted a body to practise on and she was tiny so I knew she was unlikely to do harm.  I have had osteo and a few generic massages but my issues are due to complex rep strain as well as stress, so generic does not cut the mustard.

I have found a good physio, she does not know it all, and I have just printed off a doc about pianism and science of movement. Its ongoing for me.

I do believe Life demands our all.  Dont be too hard on yourself. Its a work in progress.

  The physio had me do a simple exercise that activates lots muscles in hands and I had lots little strains, but she said I was pushing too hard.  I think I am going gently but, apparently not gently enough, and when to squeeze. How hard to squeeze. 

Its really good that you lost weight.  Mine is not doing too badly considering I am allowing myself regular desserts these days, a totally new concept for me ...lol ...Good to see you around.

I think one of the reasons I was unconsciously driven to do my own paving recently, was to get to the bottom of what can and cant be done, by me.  and the paid dudes were off cos of the virus and the mud was worrying me etc. You know how it is. Handling pavers and bending down was easier than some piano playing and emotional conversations etc.  Once trauma patterns/cascades/traps are laid down it is very hard to dislodge them.

[Maggie]

@Razzle  I’ve read your thread. I have no advice, but wanted to drop by and let you know your are not alone in fearing human touch, I cannot bear it, not even a hair dresser, but working on that one. I also believe the body keeps the score, and with good reason.

Well done on your weight loss.

I hope you find relief from this present pain.

My best wishes to you. 💞💞

[Razzle]

@Lilaca @Appleblossom @Maggie 

Thankyou for your responses.  I've been nursing my neck and taking anti inflammatory's the last few days.  I couldn't bring myself to get a professional massage.  Today it has felt a lot better and haven't had to take any medication for it.  Unfortunately I managed to break a toe this morning - compared to that my neck pain didn't even compare.  Oh my lord, that 1 little digit can pack quite a lot of pain !!  So, back to the pain meds - looking for the bubble wrap as we speak - everything comes in 3's doesn't it ?  😏😏

[Appleblossom]

@Razzle 

Unfortunately one injury can lead to another. 

Tripping up or not being aware of things underfoot ...

Good Luck with both.