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Something’s not right

SWS
Casual Contributor

Confused and Concerned

 
8 REPLIES 8

Re: Confused and Concerned

Hi there @SWS how are you traveling? If you need any support from the SANE forums please don't hesitate to reach out. The community is here to listen Heart 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Confused and Concerned

Hello @SWS.

I am wondering if you are having trouble in posting to the Sane website?  It looks like you started to post, but nothing has come through. If you need help navigating, please try again to post and there will be people who can assist if necessary.

 

I would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to the Sane Forums.  As you have opened this thread in the Carers side of the Forums, I am guessing you are a carer of someone with a mental health disorder or issue.  I care for my husband primarily, but also another family member. 

 

There are many other carers here who would love to chat to you about any issues you are currently experiencing.  There is an enormous amount of care and understanding within these forums.  We are all like you, trying to manage the care of loved ones suffering from depression and anxiety. Many of us also live with our own mental health problems as well. We are not mental health professionals, but we do have lived experience and knowledge of what works for us. We can each learn such a lot by a two way discussion on how others cope too.

 

So I hope you feel confident enough to return and tell us what's troubling you currently.  

 

I hope your day is a good one.

 

Sherry Heart

 

Image result for welcome

Re: Confused and Concerned

Hi guys and thank you for responding. I posted and then deleted it, I guess I'm a little over whelmed at the moment and not sure where to turn. My partner has displayed very paranoid and defensive behaviour for the three years I've known him, and in the last two weeks this has become extreme, with compulsive cleaning, isolation, and being drunk by lunch time added to the list of behaviours. He admits to suffering from 'stinking thinking' but he has never pushed me away to lock himself in at home and drink excessively before. He has admitted to three bouts of depression which resulted in medication in the past, and I have become scared for his safety, although I questioned him about suicidal thoughts and he says he doesn't have them. But he also recently sent me a message saying he thinks he would prefer to be living in the bush alone, or dead. He does have things in his life which cause him worry, but I have become very concerned at his ability to handle them appropriately. He also tells me his anxiety it 'through the roof', and I know he has struggled with anxiety in the past. The good news is that since I posted the original post, I have confronted him about his behaviour and he has agreed to get help, which he has followed through with by making a doctors appointment for a referral to a mental health specialist. I struggle with his 'self medicating', which from what I have read, only makes anxiety worse. I will keep holding his hand while he gets help, and hope for a good outcome. If anyone has any advice on keeping their own anxiety under control when their partners are pulling away and shutting down it would be greatly appreciated.

Re: Confused and Concerned

Hi @SWS
Welcome! Hope your going ok
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Confused and Concerned

Hi @SWS, and thank you for getting back to us, and also explaining that you had deleted your original post.  I must admit I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed at times too.  Then I might post something, and then want to delete it.  I think its pretty normal especially when we dont know where to turn.

 

Can I start by saying how pleased I am to hear that you made the opportunity to talk to your partner about whats been going on.  Its never an easy conversation to have.  It sounds like he has opened up quite a bit to you, which is fantastic.  For both himself and you too.  I hope the GP appointment he made is coming up soon.  He may be referred to a psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor.  All can be an enormous benefit to us when it comes to learning to cope and manage our depression and anxiety.

 

My husband is an alcoholic, also has PTSD and associated anxiety and depression. He also has physical health problems (terminal cancer and Parkinsons disease) which dramatically exacerbate his already depressed state.  So his drinking is a real problem.  Yes it is true that alcohol makes anxiety and depression worse.  It is often used to help us feel better, to relieve some of our stress.  But it really only offers a very short term benefit, and overall it makes matters far worse.

 

Good on you for seeing your partner through his anxiety and depression.  It is never easy for loved ones to see and handle what goes on.  I too hope for a good outcome for your partner.  Now that he has taken the first step to receive help, it can only be up from here.  There are many options to help with anxiety and depression.  Medication is only one option, and although not for everyone, it does help a great number of people through their worst days.  It does not have to be a permanent thing either.  Therapy with a psychologist is also a great option, as they teach us about self help methods.  Among those methods are techniques such as talk therapy, mindfulness, overall wellness, etc.

 

From what you said, it sounds like you also experience anxiety?  Have you ever been diagnosed with any anxiety condition and have you received any treatment?  If not, you too could benefit by talking to a psychologist or counsellor.  If you think it may be helpful to you, perhaps see your GP and obtain a GP Mental Health Care Plan which entitles you to up to 10 Medicare subsidised psychological sessions per calendar year.

 

It is extremely important that you take care of yourself.  As a carer for a loved one with anxiety and/or depression it is a very emotionally draining and sometimes physically taxing position to be in.  It is very important that you continue to do things for yourself that you enjoy.  Exercise regularly, take the dog out to the dog park, take part in sport and other hobbies you enjoy, ask a friend out for coffee lunch or a movie.  Its very important not to isolate yourself through this process.  It is an effort, but an effort worth taking.  I wish you all the very best.

 

Sherry 🌸

 

 

Re: Confused and Concerned

Hi Sherry,

 

Thank you for your response, I so admire your persistence and courage.

 

The good news is we went together today to arrange the referral, and he has now booked his first appointment. I'm so proud of his courage and acceptance of help.

 

I have continued to see a counsellor that we were seeing as a couple some time ago, and she is helping me with my approach to the situation.

 

I have recently found a local mindfulness course and I haven't approached him yet but am hoping to suggest we attend together for both our sakes.

 

Thank you again for responding, it's nice to know that I am not alone.

Re: Confused and Concerned

Hi Outlander,

 

Thank you - I'm doing better than I was, given that this was the first time I've seen this behaviour it really rocked me.

 

My partner has responded to my conversation and has followed through on getting help, I don't know where it will lead us but I'm hopeful that it will the start of a smoother path.

 

Thank you again for asking about me, I was feeling very alone.

 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Confused and Concerned

That is good news indeed @SWS. I'm really pleased that both your partner as well as yourself are to receive the professional help you need and deserve. Please know you can come here any time. Whether it is to vent, ask for advice, talk to others in a similar situation as yourself or just to feel as though you are not alone. There is always someone around 24/7.  Thanks for getting back to us.

 

Sherry 💜

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