Lived Experience Forum

[CheerBear]

I'm checking in (venting/sharing/being honest... whatever it is I'm doing). I had a really difficult day yesterday talking with both my GP and a counsellor about some pretty low feelings I've been having. I was hoping to walk out of yesterday feeling better but I'm not or at least am not yet.

My GP appointment was helpful in that she knows how to get stuff out of me. GP thinks this may be a crash following a couple of months of holding it together under high stress which I agree with. We also spoke about the tiring nature of school holidays, being down on formal supports, the difficulty in trying to return to study when it is beyond me and medication side effects which she suggested I try and ride out for a while longer. While I felt a pretty ugh about it all I think it is good she knows how I'm feeling. She did say she thinks I've done really well to get this far and that I need to try and appreciate that more. It is a little hard to do that while I sit in this place of flatness wanting to get out of it though.

I then had counselling with a SA service I've pushed myself to try and engage with. We spoke quite a lot about the oopsies pickle and the decision I made to have a termination, including how difficult it can be to hold huge relief and big sadness at the same time. Last appointment she asked lots of questions about my relationship with friend including how friend responded to the pickle situation. The conclusion was that there were some red flags in what happened and what can happen in our friendship in general. This appointment we spoke about manipulation and emotional abuse and how confusing it might be to identify and deal with when done with a smile, or a contrast between words and actions, or an "I'm just trying to help you", or "I just really care and want the best for you". She thinks tired and flatness might also be exhaustion from managing and working on boundaries that can be pushed against. We then spoke a little about sexual and reproductive coercion with her referring to the pickle as "at best I think it was x and I'd even go as far as saying it was y". That was the point where it was definitely enough for me for that appointment and for the day. I spent the rest of yesterday in the company of friend but in some strange lala land in my head.

I feel a bit weird. In a way I think I am doing well but I'm also not feeling very well at times. I feel very frustrated at myself (that's probably normal for me) and lots of should know... should do... should be... is happening. I trust my GP and am trying to trust this counsellor as I know it is important to be aware of and work through things like this, but in lots of ways the temptation to run from it all and pretend everything is fine is very high. The good that came from yesterday is that I have a mental health care plan again and can now continue seeing my psych regardless of my NDIS mess, which is something I'm looking forward to doing (and probably need to do). Counsellor is also keen on continuing to work through friendship issues and support me to make choices that are right for me. As always, I keep looking for the 'maybe it will help when...', and for now it's that maybe it will help when holidays are over and I/we can get back to normal routine again. 

I'm going to suck it all up now and get on with my day, getting ready for some hot weather on its way and some crew to return home, appreciating the space to vent/share/be honest.

[Teej]

Timing @CheerBear was just going to check in with you. I can understand your 'flat' for probably all those reasons and more. I think it’s good that you’ve had someone to talk some big stuff through with even if it doesn’t feel like it just now (please throw that one back at me anytime 😜).

I can imagine you are going through the physical and mental tiredness of having to be ‘on’ 24/7 with the kids. When school goes back hopefully you will have more self care time. 

Friend stuff sounds so complex for you. I know you’ll work it out though. I’m so glad you are seeing red flags. I know that is also complex but it means you have things to work through so that in the future you’ll be able to navigate this stuff a little easier. 

Ive had a bit of thinking time too. The centrelink bus stuff made me realise that I need to identify the things to work on to be able to maybe join the workforce. I’m not sure how I’ll go if I can’t get exemption again. If I do get exemption I want to actually work on things that will make that process ok. In the past exemption has just been a way to survive. 

Im heading out to see my therapist soon and for the first time in a long time I think I know how she can help. Mind you it’s forecast for 45 here today and already 39 so my brain could be fried 🤯. I’m hoping to be ok when I see her. 

Thinking of all passing by. 💜🤗

[CheerBear]

Thank you for your awesome listening eyes @Teej. I hope your brain has stayed unfried though I'm thinking from what I've just read on the news about the scorching day where you are, most people would have some brain fry happening 😏 We are expecting what will probably be too close to the highest overnight temp recorded tonight. So yuck.

Thanks for getting it with friend. It's really tricky in lots of ways.

Interested in hearing how you went today. You sounded pretty positive this morning and I hope for you it went well. Did psych speak with therapist in the end?

☃️❄⛄ sending some cold for you. Enough ☀️ now for sure.

[Teej]

Sorry @CheerBear. Afraid we didn’t receive your ❄️☃️ it’s still over 40 at 8:50 and more than 47 where I am 🥵. So have ended up at mum and dads. Had a big day with therapist and GP. It went ok. Not great, not bad. I hope you guys find some cool tomorrow cos I think it’s hitting the east tomorrow 🥵. I’m not sending you ☃️❄️ cos they melted before they got here 😜. 

[CheerBear]

Oh that is so horrid @Teej. Good to hear you went to parents. I think the change will come through for you overnight and bring you what sounds like some much needed relief from it🤞 We'll cop it tomorrow, though not as hot as you have today.

👍 for OK. I guess that's better than not OK

❤

[Zoe7]

@Wanderer Thought I would check in with you to see if you are safe from the fires. I know you haven't been here much lately but it would be nice if you could check in with us to let us know how you are going - very much thinking of you and other Taswegians today.

[Wanderer]

X

[Zoe7]

The one in the South of the state is pretty big too @Wanderer - Hobart is covered with smoke so I have been inside all day - too hot and windy here to do anything anyway.

Glad you are nowhere near any of the fires and thanks for getting back to me. 

[Shaz51]

Glad you are nowhere near any of the fire too @Wanderer 

and love chatting with you everyday @Wanderer and @greenpea

hello my sister @Zoe7

hugs @Queenie, @Teej, @CheerBear

[CheerBear]

Hi again @Shaz51 and hugs to you too ❤🙂